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How to Stay Tight


It's easy,

just be yourself,

only a bit cooler.


You kinda want to model yourself after a pickle chillin' in iced vinegar,

stay collected like a neat stack of W2s on an accountant's desk...

only that's kinda boring,

and you CAN'T be boring!


Act like an Andrew Llyod Weber musical,

only tone down the singing and dancing...


You want to be the tallest, fastest ride at Six Flags,

The one everybody lines up for hours in the burning sun to ride just once,

exciting but not instantly accessible,

but not TOO exciting,

just make sure you don't get carried away,

nothing will torpedo your chances faster

than jumping the gun with premature declarations,

you gotta chill out with all that.


Remember, you're being cool,


You're the Fonz,


No, you're Jules in Pulp Fiction!

just don't kill anybody...

and with both those guys, use less grease in your hair.


the last thing you want is to freak anybody out,

especially not yourself.


Be a penguin in sunglasses selling Pepsi,

only you're selling yourself:

demonstrate your features,

brag like an infomercial,

just don't lie,

it's obvious when you lie,

so be honest,

then you'll feel more confident anyways,

and confidence is the most important thing of all,

strut like a cock without acting like one,

and everyone will assume that you know what you're doing,

even if you don't!

even if you're totally clueless!


G'won, get out there and be Indiana Jones!

down to the hat and whip

Step out onto that invisible rock bridge,

don't even look down,

just glide across,


and before you know it,

you'll be over there on the other side,

with the chicken

munching greener grass,



It's simple!

You just gotta be yourself,



make that better.



(c) Copyright 2005, Daniel R. Strack


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