Philosopher Hitchhiker
Feeling refreshed,
I left and drove as the sun rose over the desert.
Cactus flowers blooming,
I spotted a fox dart under a thorn bush,
and a dead armadillo bleeding in the middle of the highway.
Another example of expanding human influence,
and I start to suspect our fate may be to destroy the natural world.
So I was feeling altruistic when I picked up the hitchhiker,
standing on the embankment,
gas can in hand and a standard story for me,
I’d heard it before:
“Thanks kid,
see I ain’t a bum, I’m an accountant,
and my wife’s pregnant,
so I was drivin’ her out to Elgin where her health card works,
when my car ran out of gas...
and that’s how I ended up out here halfway to BFE,
but it was very kind to pick me up,
very kind.”
“That’s cool,” I said,
“It’s just human nature.”
And he replied,
“Funny you should use that phrase,
‘human nature’,
it’s complicated, but most humans feel separated from nature,
see, I’m a forest ranger,
and every time I see beaver dams and bee hives,
I wonder where to draw the line between human and animal kind,
and I figure you can’t,
ain’t no sense in drawing lines,
it’s all a continuity,
humans are part of nature and everything we do is too,
our clothing, culture, and factories spitting out designer chemicals and
scientists practicing genetic manipulation,
all this unfolds naturally in the environment that developed naturally around us-
every resource we use comes from the Earth,
I see no evidence of alien influence!
And I would know, I’m an astronaut!
And I replied,
“That all makes sense,
but I thought you said you were an forest ranger.”
“No! I’m an anthropologist!
It’s complicated,
like the nature versus nurture debate,
a single answer don’t work for everybody.
The earth ain’t one sided like that-
cause and effect doesn’t occur on islands unaffected by their surrounding sea,
humans are multifaceted individuals,
we are who we are as a result of both genetics and upbringing-
we ain’t earthquakes,
you can’t always find a single fault,
and I would know, I’m a seismologist!”
And I was all,
“Hang on, how could we be earthquakes?
And what is it you do?”
“Don’t be stupid, that was a metaphor- it’s complicated!
See I’m a molecular biologist,
and every time I think about the human race,
I can’t help but wonder if we’re bad for the Earth,
like a virus,
while we fantasize about sendin’ spaceship spores to other planets to colonize,
do we really have the right to spread this disease?
We only like ourselves out of self interest-
cause that’s what we are,
but I don’t think humans are inherently good or evil,
shit, I don’t even know what good and evil is anymore,
that’s why I decided to become a mass murderer.”
And then we drove in silence.
For a while,
and right when I was about to break fast and make a break for it-
he pointed to a car on the side of the road,
and inside was his pregnant wife!
But as he got out, he shook my hand and said,
“Then again, some viruses are good for you,
that’s why I let you live. It really is complicated.”