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How to Stay Tight


It's easy,

just be yourself,

only a bit cooler.


You kinda want to model yourself after a pickle chillin' in iced vinegar,

stay collected like a neat stack of W2s on an accountant's desk...

only that sounds kinda boring,

and you CAN'T be boring!


Entertain like an Andrew Llyod Weber musical,

BE The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat-

just cut out all that singing and dancing crap...


You want to be the tallest, fastest ride at Six Flags,

the one everybody lines up for 2 hours in the burning sun to ride just once,

exciting but not instantly accessible,

but not TOO exciting,

just make sure you don't get carried away,

nothing will torpedo your chances faster than a premature declaration,

even if you're feeling it-

you gotta chill out with all that.


Remember, you're being cool,

you're the Fonz,


only, tone down the thing with the comb,

lay off on the grease.


Be a penguin in sunglasses selling Pepsi,

only you're selling yourself:

demonstrate your features,

brag like an infomercial,

just don't lie,

it's obvious when you lie,

so be completely honest,

then you'll feel more comfortable anyways,

confident in your words and yourself,

and confidence is the most important thing of all,

strut like a cock without acting like one,

and everyone will assume that you know what you're doing,

even if you don't!

even if you're totally clueless!



Be Vince Vaughn,

only don't wait 3 days to call;

everyone knows that trick now,

call after any number of days other than 3.


You can't let yourself be predictable like that,

that would be sooo boring,

and you CAN'T be boring!

But you can't be too exciting either,

and be careful not to be overly aloof;

you gotta show interest,

just not too much;

you don't want to freak anybody out,

especially not yourself.


You have to be Indiana Jones in The Last Crusade,

balance beam stepping across a rock bridge he can't see,

only thinner and shakier,

you're tryin' to ride a unicycle across a tightrope 1000 feet in the air,

over ravenous crocodiles,


and as near as I can tell,

that's the only way to get to the other side,


where the chicken's munches greener grass,



It's simple!

You just gotta be yourself,

only somehow,

make that better.



  (c) Copyright 2005, Daniel Strack

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