Video Game Ever
If my life was a video game
it would suck,
Worst... Video Game... Ever.
I wouldn't play,
it's too frustrating,
I never seem to get anywhere.
Every morning it takes 8 hours to load,
and then there's this driving simulation,
which has really great graphics and a lot of potential,
except it isn't a race,
it's the same damn track every day!
and every single time I weave madly through traffic and drive as fast as I can,
the cops take my gold instead of rewarding me with more.
whoever created this interface doesn't know the first thing about game design:
there's no status information on my screen whatsoever!
no health meter,
I have to estimate my power levels as I go!
I can't get an accurate reading of how much gold I have,
or a complete inventory of my items,
and there's no map or radar showing my position.
I just have to guess about all this stuff,
I'm always getting lost or running out of money,
or forgetting the silver keys I need to unlock my car,
and when stuff like this happens there's no pause button
so I can get it together and grab some chips and guacamole,
no resuming from a saved game,
no saving at all,
I only get one life,
with no continues,
no matter how many green-polka-dot mushrooms I eat!
So I've never respawned,
and my frag count is zero-
you know what a frag is, right? a kill.
there's no killing.
Practically no blood at all,
and I love blood!
I love fragging demons and aliens with a BFG,
or slicing them up with MATSUME
but there are no demons, no aliens,
I don't have MATSUME or a BFG,
I don't even have a shotgun,
and I've explored,
I've opened tons of secret compartments,
I keep banging my head on ceiling tiles,
I smash every crate I find,
but still no BFG,
no new weapons or power-ups of any kind,
I'm starting to get discouraged,
I'm starting to think that there are no Big Fucking Guns in the real world...
but I guess that's OK...
don't ACTUALLY wanna KILL anybody
That's what video games are for,
so that I
don't have to.
So let this serve as a warning to anyone who thinks that violent video games
cause aggressive behavior:
just think about
and the hundred million or so guys like me,
if we didn't have them.